Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You can't just leave with hair like that
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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