Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Please don't give away my fajitas
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
