I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
