do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
