so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
