Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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