youre lurking in front of me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
