I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
