she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
