I skipped work to stalk him.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
