words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
