If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
