u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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