Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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