I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
