I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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