I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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