Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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