also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
