you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
