Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
