Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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