Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
