Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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