how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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