it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize