why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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