Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
