hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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