Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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