What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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