I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
