physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
