Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
