I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
