Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
