I got chris browned last night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
