All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
worst night to have a conscience
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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