I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
