you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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