ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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