walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
