Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
