Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
