Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
