Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
