Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
