my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
