I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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