Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
