piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
