I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
