ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will pee on everything he values.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
