What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drunk is not a location!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
