I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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