Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
