I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize