hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Two words: nipple clamps
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