I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize