dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dignity is for republicans.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
