Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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