I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize