I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
