I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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