I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
