last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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