Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You were trust falling into bushes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize