you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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