I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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